Steven

Gay/queer Asian male (34)

Hey you!

When you were 15 you were on the brink of coming out in your immigrant community, knowing too well all the religious and cultural rejections that would come. But still, you did what you could with what you know, and it started you on your own path. I'm happy to report that all the best parts about you are still true! You're still resourceful, measured, and brave. Sure, some things could have been done differently, but no one is immune to mistakes. When you come to terms with everything, you’ll realize that you’ve found so much wisdom and insight from your experiences that you can then share with others, in so many ways. It’s funny how mistakes become valuable that way. And btw, there are so many exciting ideas and theories out there that help you better situate and negotiate what those “terms” you come to are. It’s going to be one of the most satisfying things out there, but I suspect you already have a hint of that.

You are so much more than a collection of different identities. All of these experiences and ways that you interface with dominant culture make you an altogether different person, not just the sum of all your parts. One day, your college advisor will tell you that “you’ve always done things your own way,” and it’s given you a wealth of experiences that you’ll cherish. (And uh, yeah, you actually finished college! I know you didn’t even want to go, but you made it through some meandering paths. And spoiler alert, you’re now doing a PhD.) Trust yourself!

By the way, sometimes how other people treat you is not actually about you. Sometimes it’s a projection of themselves, or what they think you are. Try not to think yourself into a corner wondering what you did wrong. When you’re not sure of yourself it can be easy for others to get a handle on you that they don’t deserve. Don’t let them have that leverage. Trust your perception and your intuition! Keep reading all the things you’re reading. But also know that you can hit a point of diminishing returns. Sometimes, that information is not out there in another book or in some writer’s head. At some point down the line, you going to have to write it for yourself, and it’s going to be all the more satisfying.

See? There are so many awesome things about growing up. By no means is it all rainbows and happiness, but you’ll be able to navigate it and come out alright. Did I mention you should trust yourself?

XOXO!

S