Jaycob

Latinx (20)

Dear Future me,

I hope you are still here. You now might think that things seemed so little for you to be worrying about. Yet at this moment, as I’m writing this letter to you, to me, I worry that I won't make it in this world. I so desperately want to do something that makes a difference and to feel like my life has a purpose but I'm so afraid of messing up and of letting the people close to me down. I have so many thoughts and ideas I wish I could throw out into the world, yet I feel like I can't. I feel like my voice is just going to continue being pushed down. That no one will hear me till it’s too late. As I write this letter, I’m insecure of everything. I second guess all that I do and say. I feel such pressure in life to be a certain way, but I hope you haven’t given into that pressure in the time you’re reading this. Being a transgender, first generation, Latinx person is so hard and there really is this pressure that builds up. I’m the blueprint for my sisters and I’m happy about that, but it’s so hard when you’re trying to build that bridge for other people. I don’t have anyone to look to when I have questions, and I get shut down when I have suggestions. I keep trying, yet it really is so tiring. I’m so exhausted mentally and emotionally. I hope that in the future I’ve made it past the barriers I currently see. I hope that I trust myself more and that I’ve stopped letting the world break me down. I hope I get my voice to be heard and that the world is a little less cruel. I think everyone dreams to make the world a better place, yet not many people act on it, but I hope you do. I manifest that by the time I read this, I’ve written something that the world can enjoy and learn from. I manifest that I’ve created something positive that makes the world see things in a different light. I want my goals of writing music and poetry to be accomplished and that people actually get the chance to see or hear them. I’ve always thought of writing a book, but never entertained it because I’ve always been told to be realistic with my dreams. I manifest that I’ve stopped listening to those people and I write what I want to. I want myself to have written a book that both inspires and teaches people something about themselves or others. I want to be proud of the things I’ve done and I want to stop second guessing myself. I want to see myself thrive in a world full of people telling me that I can’t.