Dear Past Me…

Bisexual/queer Black female (31)

Dear 15-year old Me,

Let’s get this out of the way first. This little town you live in absolutely sucks. I know you hate it there, but just so you know the rest of the world isn't like this this. Soon you will leave for college to a place where you aren’t the only Black girl, where people celebrate rather than stumble over your name, and where you are desired not loved in secret. At this age you are still trying to figure out what your queerness means, but it’s okay. Be patient, you will figure it out in time.

The tough thing about being Black and queer and an African in America, is that you don’t always feel like you can be all of these things at the same time. I wish I could tell you that one day you will wake up and have it all figured out, but it doesn’t quite happen that way. It will happen gradually. You don’t have to “come out.” Coming out isn’t always comfortable or safe for people like us, but I encourage you to allow people in whenever you feel the moment is right. You will experience profound joy with all the people who will truly celebrate all of you. Some of the people you will be most anxious to tell may completely surprise you. I would be lying if I didn’t say there would be hurt. However, your wounds will eventually heal.

For now, concentrate on getting through. High school may not be the most glamorous place but there is so much more ahead. Travel, a VERY BRIEF stint of rugby, love, heart break, and finding an amazing community of friends who truly see you. I want you to know that you are deeply loved. Hold on tight!

Love,

Grown-up Me