Avanti
Straight Asian female (25)
Dear Pia,
I know what it feels like to think your whole world revolves around school. Just like you, I was always told that education is the most important thing in the world, and I had a hard time separating my self-worth from the grade I would get on my next exam. Growing up in a community where everyone around me went to the top schools, I felt this insane pressure of disappointing not only my parents but also myself. Just like you, I also have an older sister who excelled in pretty much everything she did. She was at the top of her class, all her teachers loved her, and she went into her university as an honors student. Getting good grades seemed to always come so easily for her. That was not the case for me, I had to study endlessly to do half as well as she did and I spent my entire high school doubting myself because I was not measuring up to her. My biggest fear in high school was always that I would not get into my dream college. Thinking about it would send my stomach into knots. Even when others would tell me that I was a good candidate, I refused to believe it and it made me miserable.
If there is anything I wish I could tell my younger self it’s that she is so much more intelligent and capable than she gives herself credit for. Trust me when I say, you are worth more than the school you get into, and the grade on a project. I can’t tell you the number of times I skipped out on making precious memories with my friends because I thought I needed to study. I spent an entire theatre season stressed to the point of tears because I realized one of the show dates was right before an IB exam. I stopped eating lunch in high school because I was always so anxious that I would lose my appetite, and instead spent my lunches in my teacher’s room studying. I didn’t even go to my junior prom so I could wake up early on Sunday and do a practice SAT…who does that!
I know it’s hard to wrap your head around right now but you are doing everything you can. You make your parents, and your sister, proud every single day, and now you need to start being proud of yourself. I hope you are kinder to yourself, and believe people when they tell you are an amazing friend, student, sister, and daughter.
Sincerely,
Avanti